Dear Dr. Love,
Can I just say how amazing it is to finally date, for the first time in my life, a truly centered, driven, masculine man who knows who and what he is and wants quality female company to complement his life.
(So in other words, you’re dating a guy who got his shit together. He got his career and life in order. He’s got his friendships, his peer group and his inner circle in order. He knows what he wants, and he knows where he’s going in life. That’s first and foremost.
Women will find that attractive, because you’re driven, you’re focused, you’re motivated and you know what you want. You’re going places. Guys that are going places are going on adventure, and women love to accompany guys who are going on a fun, exciting and compelling adventure. The adventure obviously being creating a cool life and lifestyle filled up with great, fun people to hang out with.)
I’m a 33 -year- old attractive woman who truly came into her own after leaving a long, unhappy marriage and pursuing what she really wants in life.
(You also did work on yourself. You were in an unhappy marriage, and you left. You focused on creating a great life and lifestyle for yourself so you could also a happy, whole, complete person to complement a man’s life — not some woman who’s looking for some dude to take care of her. You’re an equal, a teammate. These are ideally the kind of women you want to date.)
Since I left, I got in shape, started my PhD in a foreign country, taught myself three languages, and managed to get my depression under control.
(So obviously you had some shit to take care of on your own. You developed yourself to become a better catch for a man. That’s awesome. You didn’t do it because of a man. You did it because of yourself. You became the kind of person you wanted to attract in a man.)
But after the horrible breakup with my husband, a year-long ordeal in which he burned his life to the ground and lashed out at me, and then a failed rebound relationship with a weak man, I admit I was pretty damn sore at men.
(If a woman is always chasing you, she’s not dumping you.)
I admit, I’ve gently tested him to see if he would become needy and jealous.
(All women control to a degree. They want to see what you’re fucking made of. Are you a man? Are you going to laugh it off, or let it get under your skin? Are you going to lose your shit, get angry and start defending yourself? Because then she’s going to see you for the weak bitch that you are.)
I have already dealt with that in men, and it’s extremely unpleasant and a total attraction killer. But he has passed them all, so I am slowly opening my heart to him and showing him that he’s gaining my deeper affections and trust, all because he maintains self- control. I respect him.
(If a woman doesn’t respect you, she will never love you. Respect yourself first, treat others with respect and don’t tolerate fucking bullshit.)
Once my husband and the rebound lost my respect, they lost me. But my new man has his own shit going on, doesn’t demand all my attention, respects me and my freedom,
(Remember, “You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free.” ~ Thich Nhat Hanh)